Twilight Zone

I’m sitting down today and for the first time in what seems like forever my mind is quiet. I’m tired, and enjoying the twilight zone that washes over me me when I’m too tired to want anything more, and am instead content with the limitations of my consciousness, ready to surrender to the tide of sleep.

It’s not often I’m here, but whenever I am, I tend to linger too long. All day is push push push. Fight fight fight. Search and struggle. Go deeper. Find more meaning. Want it harder. To be ready to sleep is a delicacy.

It’s Friday night at 11:33 PM and I could go to bed. Knowing I don’t have to be anywhere tomorrow makes me want to stay up just a little longer and just a little longer again until it will be too late to salvage a full night’s sleep from the time I have before work on Monday.

It’s a dangerous thing to have five minutes to kill.

So instead of picking up my latest addictions, or continuing my oldest ones, I decided to write. I guess I’m still pushing even now.

Tynan wrote an excellent post about working hard. Today was a great day to read it. I was tremendously productive at work today. I had the kind of day that redeems a whole week of lackluster motivation. That, coupled with this post I stumbled across on the Harvard Business Review convinced me to spend my focus on the truly valuable work of the day, instead of spending it lusting for a future that so far exists only in my mind. Tomorrow is not the place to live; the rent is too high.

Living in the present in my aim, which is difficult when my present seems dull and unexciting every once and a while. I’ve convinced myself that life ought to be brimming with excitement all the time. I just want to have it like they do in the movies. All passion and drive and romance and desire all the time, taking big risks and making big strides toward lofty goals. It’s hard to remember the virtue in the everyday grind. But it’s there, and I seek it.

What is the most important thing in your life?